Go New Orleans Journal

08/02/08
Today 300+ people from Crossroads (my church) loaded onto seven buses and headed towards New Orleans, Louisiana. Our mission is to rebuild New Orleans. We do not believe we will rebuild the city or even put a dent in the efforts to rebuild the city. Our hopes are to touch lives by working with Habitat for Humanity and helping with vacation bible school a local church in New Orleans is hosting. If one person is positively effected by our efforts, we have succeeded in our mission. We hope to love on people within our group and within the city.

My goal for the trip is to give of myself in any way needed. I am out of my comfort zone by attending this trip to where I know only one person. I did not feel God was pulling me to do vacation bible school but to help build houses. Kids, i know. Houses, I do not. I am going into this trip feeling lost but open to what may be in store for me. The reality of being on the trip still has not hit me.

08/03/08
It has been a week today since I felt God really start working on me. For the past seven or eight years, I have been slipping away from God and living my life for him less and less. I have felt my heart harden over these years yet I felt helpless and unable to change that. Last Sunday, 07/27/08 we had a kick off service for our trip. We went over trip logistics and then had a worship service. In the middle of worship, one of the trip leaders started saying a prayer. I was also praying, asking God to move in me and soften my heart. When he was done praying, I opened my eyes to find the auditorium completely dark. Standing in a circle around the group of people going on the trip were our prayer partners holding candles. The sight of this was overwhelming. I quickly scanned the circle, searching for my prayer partner. Finally my eyes fell upon her...Tricia. I couldn't believe she was there. Since having Sofia, I rarely talk to her, let alone get time with her. From that moment I felt my heart soften and any bitterness, resentment, anger, etc. start chipping away.

We are finally in New Orleans! After a looong bus ride we arrived at Franklin Avenue Baptist Church for their 10:30 service. It was amazing to be in a church that has just recently moved back into their building due to water damage and to see how faithful and full of joy their congregation is. After church we checked into the hotel, took much needed showers, grabbed lunch and enjoyed some free time until we joined together for dinner at the hotel. After dinner we explored New Orleans and started getting to know each other over karaoke!

08/04/08
In order to prepare for the trip we watched the documentary "When the Levees Broke". This gave us images of Katrina, facts about what happened, as well as personal stories. I also read the book One Dead in Attic by Chris Rose. This book was amazing! I would recommend this to anyone that wants a personal account of New Orleans during the time of the storm and the year or so after. The images described in the book will always stick with me. Although I thought I had prepared myself for what I would see in New Orleans, I was mistaken.

This morning we went on the Katrina Tour. We drove all over New Orleans through many different neighborhoods and the sights were the same. Destruction was everywhere! It looks as though a bomb had gone off a few days prior. It is amazing to see the "Katrina Tattoos". These are the X's you see on the houses. The numbers at the top of the X tells you the date, to the left of the X tells you who was there (New Orleans police, military, what city they were from, etc.), to the right of the X tells you where they searched (NE-No Entry, EO- Exterior Only, etc.), and the bottom of the X tells you how many bodies were found. You can also see the water lines on the houses. Majority of the houses have these lines close to the roof, or at least 3/4 up the front door. Usually there were several lines showing the highest level, where the water sat the longest, and once they started pumping water out of the city the line was lower. Many houses are still boarded up appearing to still be abandoned three years later. There is a lot of construction and demolition going on around the city as well. We saw brand new houses being built between two destroyed homes. We saw houses getting raised off the ground in hopes of being able to be repaired. We saw stairs that used to lead to front doors. We saw neighborhoods with no houses. We saw FEMA trailers. Still lots of FEMA trailers. We heard stories of loss. The three hour tour changed our lives. It made us feel as though we had lost our lives, homes, families, etc. It made us thankful for what we have. It made us angry to see the destruction as if it happened last week. It made us ready to start working to make a difference in any possible way.

08/05/08
Today we started working. My group went to Central City. Other groups were sent to the Lower 9th Ward or the West Bank, unless they were doing Vacation Bible School. My job for the morning was caulking. I have never caulked before but I enjoyed it. We had to caulk everything from windows to wood, wood to wood, siding to siding, etc. It was a lot of ladder work but enjoyable. The morning flew by and before I knew it, it was lunch time. Our bus drivers started the buses 1/2 an hour before lunch so we could get out of the heat and eat in the A/C. (Our bus drivers actually worked on the Habitat site with us which we thought was awesome.) Because of the problems I have had with heat when I lived in Louisiana, I knew it would be a bad idea for me to go into the A/C and then come right back into the heat so I told my friends I was going to find some shade and eat there. They agreed and went with me to find shade. Halfway through lunch, my friend Leslie asked if I was alright. I nodded but didn't say anything. As each moment passed, I started getting extremely dizzy and nausea. I blew off how I was feeling and got back to work. I spent the rest of the afternoon caulking, wood puttying, and then I started getting frustrated. Every time I would try to do something, someone else would do it. I eventually started priming windows. Being on the ladder showed me how dizzy I was and how awful I was starting to feel. By the time we were done working and I was back on the bus, I was miserable. I convinced myself I was fine, took a shower and headed out to dinner and to Preservation Hall to hear some jazz. By the time we got to P-Hall, I was going downhill fast with a migraine in full swing. I was convinced all I needed was a good night's sleep.

08/06/08
I woke up this morning feeling AWFUL. For an hour I debated whether I should go to the job site. I did not want to miss out on any experience but I knew I should not start the day with the way I felt. I stood up to go to the bathroom and could not see straight. I tried focusing but felt as though I was falling over. Knowing that most of our work would be on ladders today, I decided it would be best for me and others if I stayed in. I did not want to chance falling off a ladder or passing out in the heat. I woke up at 3:00 pm when Leslie texted me to tell me they were on their way back to the hotel. I still felt horrible. I picked up the phone and called Tricia. I needed prayer and advice. Between my health and frustrations about my Go Group (Out of the 300+ people, they divided us into groups of 9-12 people) , I was not feeling very positive about this trip. Tricia told me she would pray for me and she knew I would feel better within hours. She encouraged me to humble myself and ask my group for prayer. She also told me my group would come together in God's time.

Since I had not ate all day, Leslie convinced me to join everyone for dinner. I have been frustrated all week because our Go Group has never all been together at once. We have a leader of the trip on our team so he is always being pulled aside and a couple members of our team like to wander. Tonight at dinner, our entire group actually sat together! After dinner we were encouraged to meet with our Go Group to honor each other. We were given Burger King crowns to give to someone in our group. We were to say why we were honoring them by calling them out on a trait they have. Brian, our leader started out by honoring me for coming on this trip even though I knew my health could be a problem. Cassie also chimed in saying she honored the fact that I came on the trip even though I had family and friends close to me who were very negative about the trip and me coming on it. It was really amazing to listen to each other honor one another and build each other up. The whole point of this activity was to show you cannot give until you are able to receive.

By the end of our Go Group session, I was feeling amazingly better. I still had a slight headache but nothing near what I did have. Tricia had called me during dinner and left me a message to read Isaiah 40:1-31. Isaiah 40:27-31 really touched me so I wrote it on a piece of paper and put it in my shorts for the next day. This is what it says:

Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary;
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.


08/07/08
God is AWESOME! I woke up this morning feeling wonderful. One thing I have learned is I need to lean on God and not rely on myself. I am nothing without God and everything with God. I have been asking him to use me to touch the lives of others but not allowing him to touch my life. Last night, I had to receive the compliments from my group. I usually blow compliments off because I do not believe them but last night God opened my heart and let them come in. It was overwhelming! I realized if it felt that great to receive from people it could only be amazing to receive from God!

On the work site I helped Leslie and a couple of guys to assemble stairs. I also had a chance to meet the future homeowner that came to join us to put in her sweat hours. Her name is Emma. She evacuated New Orleans before the storm hit but still lost everything. She assumed she would only be gone for 2-3 days so that is all the changes of clothes they took. Living with her is her 11 year old son and her 16 year old niece. (Emma's sister died a few months after the hurricane due to an infection she got from being in the contaminated water.) While talking with Emma and her son's dad, the topic of me being from Louisiana was brought up. Her son's father asked if I had ate everything I wanted since I have been in New Orleans. I told him the only thing I hadn't had yet was a crawfish boil. He told me he would take care of me. I laughed and got back to work. About an hour later he came up to me and told me to look in the box he had. He had brought a feast of crawfish, crab, shrimp, corn and potatoes! I was so excited! My work site crew was so thankful for the gesture and the opportunity for many of them to try a crawfish boil for the first time! (Not to mention it was a great change from our soggy turkey po-boys we were eating everyday for lunch!) With our spirits lifted, we went back to building the porch and painting the house.

Today the theme between Leslie and I was the power of positive thinking and speaking. We were starting to realize that anytime anyone said something negative or sarcastic, it happened. On the same note though, anytime anyone said anything positive, it also happened. My Bible verse was in my pocket all day and anytime I started feeling exhausted or sick, I would pull it out and read it. If I wasn't feeling so great, I would say I was feeling amazing and it was an awesome day. In the end, it was a BEAUTIFUL day and I felt energized and great all day!

08/08/08
This morning we woke up to rain. We thanked God! We knew we would still be going to work but we knew the rain would help cool things off. We worked on projects inside the house or under the porch roof. Shortly after starting to work, the rain stopped but the day stayed fairly cool. Leslie and I ended up going to the work site behind ours to help them paint their house. It was a relaxing day of painting and conversing with new friends.

At the end of the work day the buses took everyone to First Baptist New Orleans church. There we had a worship ceremony and a baptism ceremony. For a long time I have wanted to get baptized. I was baptized as a baby in the Catholic church but I have never made the public announcement of following Christ. I committed my life to following Jesus as a teenager but never publicly announced it. I was thrilled when they gave us this chance! I cannot think of a more perfect time or place. Throughout this trip I have had my heart softened once again and have realized my life needs some redirection. I have been full of bitterness, hurt, anger, rejection, etc. over the past few years and I want to rid myself and my life of all these things.

I stood up to go to the baptism pool. As I reached the line, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Cassie and Leslie stood behind me! I was thrilled they too were getting baptized. We were able to all three get baptized at the same time. I cannot describe the feeling I experienced. It was pure joy and relief. Never had I felt so light and loved. I felt like all my concerns, feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, etc had been washed away and I was a new person. I felt as though I was once again worthy of serving God. For once, I felt forgiven...completely. I will never be able to fully describe my joy and freedom I felt coming up out of the water.

08/12/08
We arrived back in Ohio Sunday morning. It was bittersweet. I missed Kameron so much while I was gone but I did not want to leave New Orleans and end the work we had been doing there. It has been hard since we have been back. My life seems less significant. I have a feeling of being lost. Watching people take their lives for granted and fighting over petty things is hard to come back to after seeing such destruction. I really believe the less you have, the more happier you are. I miss being surrounded by hundreds of people all the time. I miss working in the heat and humidity, sweating all day. In New Orleans, I knew my purpose. I saw the difference we made. Being back home, I am searching. I want to touch lives everyday. I want to do God's work. I want to serve God and others. I am thankful for the chance to go to New Orleans and be a part of rebuilding the city. I am thankful for the prayers and support many have given me. I am most thankful for God's GRACE and LOVE. He has changed my life once again and I can never thank him enough for that.